I realized today I was recently really offended by something someone close to me did. Now, I want to say there was no malintent to the action, and I am not going to go into too much detail as I have no intention of addressing this particular offense. I'm bringing it up, because it's a me problem (que Taylor Swift).
I have the privilege of many years of therapy, due to my trauma, which in many ways put me ahead of the curve of my peers. There were many ways I was behind, but that is immaterial today. I would consider myself a fairly healed person (without question compared to even a year ago). The older I get that more and more isolated I become. I don't really regret this behavior, to be clear I'm an introvert, I've never had many friends. I have a pretty small family. I associate with maybe 10 people on a regular basis (6 of those are family and my partner lol). I'm quite happy in life in many ways. Quality of connection over quantity. The real issue is, I have a very low tolerance for nonsense. I have a hard time with unnecessary immaturity. Added to the fact, that I am not the best with validating other people's emotions (I don't validate my own that well), I don't exactly play well with others. I want to be clear here, I love people, I respect that emotions happen and we all need support in processing this mess of a world we live in. But I also try to come from a more logical place than an emotional one. I don't want to react to my feelings, I want to process them. Those are my problems, not others. I will seek support and advice when I need it, but my confidants are fairly few.
In my opinion, by your mid twenties you are in control of your life and have the power to change the things you are unhappy with. It's just not that deep. In reality, just because I have had the space, support, and privilege to heal and grow, doesn't mean everyone else has. Not to even mention that what might be of no consequence to me, doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic to someone else. Everyone is wired and experiences life differently. We cannot compare our pains, we all suffer in our own private ways.
I'm a big fan of the term "mental masturbation". The general meaning I take from this is wallowing in your emotional misery instead of truly working to move past it. It certainly seems common in this day and age. I am a huge advocate of mental health, but I don't agree with the internets version of that. I think it really promotes the "mental masturbation" behavior. You don't get better in an environment you are being hurt in, that begins first in your own mind. If you mentally torture yourself daily you will never find peace. Some of us need therapy, medication, or other forms of help. There is no shame in needing those things, I take daily mental health medication and it has vastly improve my quality of life, I am less anxious overall and I have more clarity.
I'll add to that the obsession with diagnosis' (Autism, ADHD, BPD, etc) being so popular now, is also an issue. Yes there is some valid forms of self diagnosis, of course we know our own minds and experiences better than anyone, but in most cases what does that truly bring to your life? What I see is a generation obsessed with what could be wrong with them. Who cares if you've got a touch of the tism. We all probably do. I can say without a doubt I have a heightened sense of justice and some sensory issues, do I need to rush to my psychiatrist to seek an Autism diagnosis? No. Because it isn't going to change my quality of life, in fact it would likely make it much worse. Not to even consider that there's so many overlapping mental health symptoms it's very hard to even receive an accurate diagnosis. I can tell you I've had PTSD since I was a very small child (But guess what they've given me every fucking diagnosis under the sun since, do I have all those things? Who knows. Who cares. The only thing that matters is my quality of life and the quality of the care I receive). I don't discourage seeking help, I discourage excusing everything with a mental illness. We are responsible for our behavior no matter what may be wrong with us.
Just remember to take responsibility for your own problems. Grow, heal, be in love with yourself. Don't let others take up too much of your mental space. And opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Taila Out.
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