Hey everybody! I'm back with a new post, this week's should probably be considered 18+, but I'm not your parents, so there's that. I will try to be as family friendly as possible, but let's be honest I'm not really family friendly anyway. Be aware that none of what I'm saying applies to erotica, since I am not discussing it today. Let's jump right in.
Lots of novels, romance or otherwise, have sex in them, probably because sex is a natural part of our lives. But how many people actually read those sex scenes in detail? I am a skimmer when sex scenes happen, not because they make me uncomfortable, hut I do not usually pick up a novel to read the sex, so I skim it quickly before continuing the story. Most books I read these days seem to have at least one or two (hell maybe more) sex scenes, I assume this is the getting older phenomenon, as I mature to read new content, the content matures.
I think the first book I ever read that was "adult", that didn't just imply sexual things were happening, was Acheron by Sherrilyn Kenyon (my favorite book of all time, and one I couldn't recommend more highly. As a trigger warning it deals with sex, consensual and otherwise.). I read it over the summer between middle and high school, and it shaped a huge part of who I am now, allowed me to be much comfortable with sex, although that is a post for another day. My point in bringing this book up is this; Sex in books can be good and move the plot along, show the way characters interact and more. As a writer I struggle with it.
I did a poll not long ago on a group of readers, and the majority said they prefer the "dirty" details. I found myself in a bit of a conundrum, in my novels (most of them anyway), I deal with sex in a open and free way, but I still use the fade to black technique. While the sex may be advance the story in some way, allowing the characters to grow together (you can't talk about sex and not sound dirty, leave me alone) I'm just not sure how to write sex scenes in a way that doesn't make me laugh at myself.
A part of this problem for me comes with the Alpha Male/Damsel in Distress trope that is rife in our culture these days. I have known some "alpha" males, and let me tell you I wasn't falling to their feet, I think I was far more prepared to pepper spray them. This trope to me perpetuates gender stereotypes in the worst kind of way. Relationships should be an equal exchanges, at least in an ideal world, there's no reason that the "damsel" can't support or protect her man, or that the "alpha" can't need to be supported and loved. The point being, because of the idea that men are "in control" and women are "submissive" I find it difficult to write sex scenes that people will like. There is nothing wrong if this is the relationship someone has, but it isn't the only type of relationship people have. This should probably be a rant for another day, but I'm going to leave it here.
I know that you don't always have to write for your readers (I don't), but understanding the demographic that you're writing to is important, and so I find myself having to decide whether or not I want to be classified as YA or if I want to research how to write a good sex scene that doesn't make me laugh. I've been reading a book about this subject by Diana Gabaldon, and it has been somewhat helpful. I don't know what I'll do in the end, but you can stay tuned.
Taila Out!
I think the first book I ever read that was "adult", that didn't just imply sexual things were happening, was Acheron by Sherrilyn Kenyon (my favorite book of all time, and one I couldn't recommend more highly. As a trigger warning it deals with sex, consensual and otherwise.). I read it over the summer between middle and high school, and it shaped a huge part of who I am now, allowed me to be much comfortable with sex, although that is a post for another day. My point in bringing this book up is this; Sex in books can be good and move the plot along, show the way characters interact and more. As a writer I struggle with it.
I did a poll not long ago on a group of readers, and the majority said they prefer the "dirty" details. I found myself in a bit of a conundrum, in my novels (most of them anyway), I deal with sex in a open and free way, but I still use the fade to black technique. While the sex may be advance the story in some way, allowing the characters to grow together (you can't talk about sex and not sound dirty, leave me alone) I'm just not sure how to write sex scenes in a way that doesn't make me laugh at myself.
A part of this problem for me comes with the Alpha Male/Damsel in Distress trope that is rife in our culture these days. I have known some "alpha" males, and let me tell you I wasn't falling to their feet, I think I was far more prepared to pepper spray them. This trope to me perpetuates gender stereotypes in the worst kind of way. Relationships should be an equal exchanges, at least in an ideal world, there's no reason that the "damsel" can't support or protect her man, or that the "alpha" can't need to be supported and loved. The point being, because of the idea that men are "in control" and women are "submissive" I find it difficult to write sex scenes that people will like. There is nothing wrong if this is the relationship someone has, but it isn't the only type of relationship people have. This should probably be a rant for another day, but I'm going to leave it here.
I know that you don't always have to write for your readers (I don't), but understanding the demographic that you're writing to is important, and so I find myself having to decide whether or not I want to be classified as YA or if I want to research how to write a good sex scene that doesn't make me laugh. I've been reading a book about this subject by Diana Gabaldon, and it has been somewhat helpful. I don't know what I'll do in the end, but you can stay tuned.
Taila Out!
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