Poetry #2: Mythology

Hey Everybody. Back with another poetry segment, this one has a different type of theme. Because I have such an obsession with mythology it often comes across in my poetry. Enjoy!

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My Valkyrie 

How can anyone claim that I am not a warrior? That the very scent of blood does not cling to my skin. That battles have not been etched into my bones.

How can anyone claim that you are not Death? Who else could glide into a bloodbath, looking so angelic. Calm, but innocent. I remember the blood dripping from my fingers as you made your way toward me. 

I have heard the stories of the Valkyries who whisked warriors to Valhalla, but I never expected to be taken. I am not a woman who forgives, nor do I regret the things I have done. And yet you still flew me away. 

 I could not unnerve you with my sharp teeth and love of dark things, not with my scarred chest and cold eyes. Not even my silver tongue took you by surprise. I do not know what to make of you. 

I cannot leave the battle. War is all I've ever known. How could you expect me to stay here with you?  Darling, I cannot be killed. My soul longs for the bloodshed you have taken me from. 

Valhalla is not the place for me, love. You are a golden sun, and I am nocturnal. I should not yearn for your light, it is not meant for a woman like me. 

I have been bathed in blood, I cannot ask the gods to give you to me. War is the song of my heart, the very air that I breathe. Please do not expect me to leave my roots behind. 

How can anyone claim that you did not change me? I have always fought my battles with zeal, but after you I fight differently. I no longer wish to feel the sword against my own skin. Once again I am on the battlefield, blood dripping, as you glide toward me. But now? You are here with me. 

You have become the reason I fight. 

***

My dear Icarus, 

How could you fly me into the sun with you? How could you allow me to burn in your place? My tongue tastes of ashes, I know it is the taste of you. 

My Icarus... how much of a lie those words turned out to be. You could never belong to anyone. Oh how I wished I had listened to the gods sooner. 

I bare your scars now, Icarus, but I can never truly take your place. Your wings must burn. You melt off of me. 

Oh sweet, Icarus, so young. Cheeks filled with the glow of youth. I've been tricked. 

***

The old gods would be disappointed, but we are the young gods and we have forgotten. No one cares for the old ways anymore. We are too busy concerning ourselves with mortal pains and pleasures to save ourselves. We will die horrid deaths, just as our predecessors, and we will cry out. Do we deserve our fates when we were not taught any differently. The old gods are dead. They were once as we are now, stupid and reckless. They did not learn from their mistakes. Why haven't we? We will suffer if history repeats itself. Will our children rise up and kill us as we once did? Can we truly blame them if they do? We do not have an eternity, but we often behave as if we do. We will never learn. 

***

Persphone

They claim she was unwilling. Naive and Childlike. But they forgot her very name means annihilate. She wondered down into Hell, and found love. 

The myths are wrong. She was Queen of Death and Goddess of Spring. Feared and Revered. 

They forgot who her father was. King of the Gods. She favored him. Destined to rule. 

Her husband meek in comparison. Her iron fist was loved by all. Far more formidable than any other god. With flowers in her hair. 

A soul made of light, dearly loved by the dark. She was her happiest wrapped in shadow. 

***

Beast

They believe my husband to be the monster. They believe my meek appearance is who I am. They have not noticed my sharp teeth and claws. 

They should appeal to him. For he is the merciful one. They fear him, they should fear me. I will remove the skin from their bones for my beast. 

I wear the horns in this relationship. My beast wants to live in peace, and I will kill to make sure that happens. 

***
Tragic Heroes

You move like a predator, but I can see the truth. Your claws are fake. Your teeth filed to a point. You are playing a game you do not know the rules to, and I have no interest in teaching you. 

I'm sure someday you will learn. Like all the great heroes you will find that you are not the biggest and baddest in our world. No one truly fears you. No one truly loves you. 

You are Achilles. Invincible, yet dead. 

You are Hercules. Your family is dead, and you've gone insane. 

History will not even remember you, because you are not special. Heroes are a dime a dozen in our world. 

They won't remember your name. The people you saved died painful deaths, screaming. 

***

That's about it, I may do a part two at some point. Come back soon. 

Taila Out. 

Writing #9: Progress

For those of you who aren't aware I am scheduling some posts ahead of time, so if I don't have time to write new blog posts in the next month or so I won't be inactive. Quite a few of these are poetry installments, because I had a bunch to write, but I don't want to only post one type of thing so I'm breaking it up. 

If you missed the post on my author page, below you can find my timeline for my first book.

-Finish the first draft of my untitled Alice RH by October 1st. I believe this is about twenty thousand more words.
-Complete the first round of edits by October 15th. Before I start the first round of edits, I'll make the official outline for Book Two.
-Second round of edits complete by October 25th. 
-Cover Reveal by October 31st.
-Beta Readers (around 10) from November 1st to November 20th
-Complete Final Edits by December 15th.
-ARC readers by December 20th. I'll be honest, I haven't decided about this step quite yet. Obviously when we get to this point I'll let everyone know.
-Pre-order? I am known for my impulsive decision making, so if I have a complete novel, I may just publish it.
-Publish by January 31st, 2018.

It's currently August 25th, 2017. I'm scheduling this to go up August 31st, but I thought I would talk about the progress I've made up to this point on Alice. 

• I picked a cover model for Alice. She's perfect, blonde hair, blue dress and all. 
• Since August 13th I've written 11,975 words (as of the 25th of August) the unedited document is currently 33,408.
• I'm working on in depth character descriptions and some world building. 
• I have a playlist for the books. You can find it here Alice Spotify Playlist
• I have the outline complete, and I'm currently mentally planning the outline for book two. 
• I have a few ideas for the title, I'm not going to share quite yet, but I'll make an announcement when it's complete. 

Honestly that's about it. This post is somewhat short, but I just wanted to do a quick check in on my progress. 

Taila Out

My Links

Hey Everyone! Quick Post here, I know someone of you may want to find me on other types of social media that allow for different kinds of interactions. Below you can find ALL of my links!


Personal Facebook - This is my personal Facebook account, if you send me a friend request, be sure to send me a quick message and let me know that you found me through this blog.

Author Page - This is my Author Page on Facebook, where I post everything about my books, blog posts, and more.

Twitter- I don't use Twitter a lot, but I'm hoping to start using it a bit more.

Instagram- I post pretty regularly here, lots of nerdy stuff, selfies, and my dogs.

Pinterest- I have a lot of character inspiration and nerdy stuff on here, and I'm fairly active.

Main Tumblr- I'm really active on Tumblr, but lots of nerdy things, funny things, and more.

Side Tumblr - aesthetic pictures and the like.

You can find me on Snapchat at tailaren

Feel free to contact me at any of these places, you can also send me an email tailacantrell21@gmail.com . Please keep messages, comments, etc. PG-13 and kind.

I think that's about it everybody!

Taila Out

Am I an Indie Author?

Warning, odd post ahead, have fun!

For those of you who know me personally, saying that I have control problems will come as no surprise to you. For those of you who wish to know me, welcome, I have control problems. I learned to admit this early on in my life, I am not necessarily ashamed of this affliction, but I'll admit that on occasion it causes me some trouble. I have two modes: the first is the aforementioned need to be in control, I will happily accept "bossy" or "bitchy" as substitutes, as they are often thrown around by people who are upset with me. The second is quite the opposite of my natural instinct, I stay completely silent at times I should probably speak up. The conundrum of Passive vs Aggressive.
It is quite contradictory, huh? My theory is that all humans are this way, but I can only truly speak for myself.  I would never claim that I am a naturally passive person, but I force myself into this state to avoid confrontation with people that I care about. I'm sure you can imagine exactly how often this causes me problems.

In terms of writing, it was recently brought up to me that I could publish through the "traditional" routes. For those of you who don't know, my first book should be coming out some time in the next four to five months. I am self publishing, for a few reasons, if you'd like I will make a full post on that subject another time. One of my biggest reasons, is creative control. Now, I am entirely capable of taking criticism, but I am not willing to allow anyone to force me to write something I don't want to, to make deadlines for me, and the like. Unpublished authors do not do well in the publishing industry. If you do not have an audience why would a company take a risk on you. Even if your work is the very best, it doesn't make strategic sense. I do not expect to ever make six figures on just writing. I would love for millions of people to read my books, but I would give them my work for free, because it's what I love doing. Making money doing what I love is great, and I hope in the future at some point I can support myself (reasonably) through writing. If it never happens though that's okay.

A big reason I started up this blog was to build an audience, I want people to read my work. I make no money off this venture, I probably never will, but if even five people start to follow me, and read my future books it is worth doing. I enjoy sharing my journey with people.

So now we come to the title; Am I an Indie Author? Yes I am, and I am proud. I put a hell of a lot of work into writing. I am not the best, I will never be the best, but it's what I love, and that's enough. You can try to shame the way I do things, but I know this is the correct path for me right now. If someday a opportunity arises for me to publish more traditionally I will consider it, but until then my accomplishments are not less, because I published my work myself.

Taila Out.

Poetry #1: Queen

Hi Guys. I write quite a bit of "poetry", I put this in quotes because I hesitate to call what I write such a thing, but for the sake of correctness let's continue with it. I believe I'll do this installment when I feel like it, and each segment will have a theme. As you can tell from the title with the theme of this installment will be queens. Enjoy.

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Queen of Worlds

Queen of Nothing: At least that is what they tell me. Scream it until echos across the stone. A tempo I am forced to believe. 

Queen of Death: I've heard them whisper, their fear permeating the air. Why would they fear me if I am nothing?

Queen of Love: I've heard them claim myths were written about my love. 'It toppled empires' they whisper, but I can hear them. Love is a concept I have long since forgotten. 

Queen of Fire: They yell as I exit my prison, my steps falling heavy. I feel the fire they speak of as I open my parched mouth. 

Queen of Monsters: Of all the things they have claimed of me this surprises me the least. I feel like a monster as I take back my throne. 

Queen of Mercy: I forgive them their sins as I take back my kingdom. It is not my place to punish them. 

Queen of Stupidity: Words whispered by an enemy who shoves their dagger deeper into my back. I smile, knowing they have already lost. 

Queen of Bone: My followers scream as I pass, cheering. I do not deserve their praise. My crown is made of bone, I do not wish to wear it. I have had no choice. 

Queen of Worry: I watch as my children go to battle, wearing this title with pride. No one can claim I have no heart. I have fought our battles until the wicked end. 

Queen of Life: Ironic they choose this name so close to the end. I have no time to embrace such things any longer. 

Queen Eternal: I can hear their cries at my death. 'Do not leave us'. My parting words are of love. 'I will return'. 

***

Lost Queen

I wonder what they will say, when they learn what they have truly lost? 

Their Queen will soon be dead, do they wonder where she is? 

Lost in seas they will never find. 

She can no longer protect them. 

I wonder when they will realize she planned to die?

That she did not want to stay with them. 

She hated her life. 

I wonder when she will figure out what she left behind? 

That she already had what she searched for. 

Will they mourn or rejoice? 

I wonder what her final thoughts were? 

Regret or Peace?

***

I think that's it for this theme, come back soon!

Taila Out. 

Writing #7: Sex

Hey everybody! I'm back with a new post, this week's should probably be considered 18+, but I'm not your parents, so there's that. I will try to be as family friendly as possible, but let's be honest I'm not really family friendly anyway. Be aware that none of what I'm saying applies to erotica, since I am not discussing it today. Let's jump right in. 

Lots of novels, romance or otherwise, have sex in them, probably because sex is a natural part of our lives. But how many people actually read those sex scenes in detail? I am a skimmer when sex scenes happen, not because they make me uncomfortable, hut I do not usually pick up a novel to read the sex, so I skim it quickly before continuing the story. Most books I read these days seem to have at least one or two (hell maybe more) sex scenes, I assume this is the getting older phenomenon, as I mature to read new content, the content matures.

I think the first book I ever read that was "adult", that didn't just imply sexual things were happening, was Acheron by Sherrilyn Kenyon (my favorite book of all time, and one I couldn't recommend more highly. As a trigger warning it deals with sex, consensual and otherwise.). I read it over the summer between middle and high school, and it shaped a huge part of who I am now, allowed me to be much comfortable with sex, although that is a post for another day. My point in bringing this book up is this; Sex in books can be good and move the plot along, show the way characters interact and more. As a writer I struggle with it.

I did a poll not long ago on a group of readers, and the majority said they prefer the "dirty" details. I found myself in a bit of a conundrum, in my novels (most of them anyway), I deal with sex in a open and free way, but I still use the fade to black technique. While the sex may be advance the story in some way, allowing the characters to grow together (you can't talk about sex and not sound dirty, leave me alone) I'm just not sure how to write sex scenes in a way that doesn't make me laugh at myself.

A part of this problem for me comes with the Alpha Male/Damsel in Distress trope that is rife in our culture these days. I have known some "alpha" males, and let me tell you I wasn't falling to their feet, I think I was far more prepared to pepper spray them. This trope to me perpetuates gender stereotypes in the worst kind of way. Relationships should be an equal exchanges, at least in an ideal world, there's no reason that the "damsel" can't support or protect her man, or that the "alpha" can't need to be supported and loved. The point being, because of the idea that men are "in control" and women are "submissive" I find it difficult to write sex scenes that people will like. There is nothing wrong if this is the relationship someone has, but it isn't the only type of relationship people have. This should probably be a rant for another day, but I'm going to leave it here.

I know that you don't always have to write for your readers (I don't), but understanding the demographic that you're writing to is important, and so I find myself having to decide whether or not I want to be classified as YA or if I want to research how to write a good sex scene that doesn't make me laugh. I've been reading a book about this subject by Diana Gabaldon, and it has been somewhat helpful. I don't know what I'll do in the end, but you can stay tuned.

Taila Out!

Random #1

I decided I was going to start a new series, to share some random thoughts with you guys. It may or may not have anything to do with writing, I guess we'll have to wait and see. I like the idea of sharing some thoughts with no particular rhyme or reason. I may talk about things I've been enjoying lately, or something I want to rant about, honestly it could be just about anything. Let's jump on in.

First things first, I have to talk about Halsey's new album, it's been out for a few weeks now, and let me tell you I've been listening to it on repeat. I enjoyed Badlands, but Hopeless Fountain Kingdom is 10x better. I literally love every single song on the entire thing. 5/5 stars.

On a totally different topic, I've heard multiple people talk about how you don't have to give a fuck about what other people think, and I have to agree. However, in this case of a few of these people, I think I may do them some good to think about how others may feel. If the things you do effect people around you, you should probably take them into consideration. Don't give a fuck, respectfully.

Lighter topic, I have three different people helping me with my writing, and I couldn't be more thankful. It's amazing to have people who are excited about your work, and helping you meet your goals. I think I'm still mostly on track to have my first novel out in January or February.

I have two eight week old puppies, so my house is a riot all the time. I posted a picture the other day of Gracie trying to help me type. Her sister, Harper is far less demanding, but more likely to bite your toes. I love my dogs, and the often help me cope with anxiety and depression.

I think that's about it for today, I'll be back soon with a new post.

Taila Out.

Writing #6: Self Care?

As some of you may know I recently went through a month long writer's block, due to a specific story. I was pushed out of this, because I had the honor of participating in Stormy Day Reading's Book Bash (look them up on Facebook and their book blog, they're awesome). Before I was invited, I hadn't written a single word since late June, but I decided I wanted to make some new teasers, and do a fun segment, that you can find on my author page. However, to do any of that I had to push past my creative block, now I will admit I reused a couple of the teasers that I had already made (although I updated them a bit), but I have found some of my motivation to write again. Although I still haven't been able to pick up the project I originally stalled out on, I've written a couple thousand words on a different project that I'm pretty excited to share.

Over the last couple of days I've gotten sick (ear infections, I'll probably have to have surgery again soon), but tonight I'm feeling a bit better, and I sat down with the intention to add words to one of my books, but I found that I had no idea where I wanted to go. My character doesn't know what to do next, and to be honest neither do I. She was supposed to make a very, very clear point to a certain male, but I while I still want to see how the scene plays out, I don't know what words to use to make it happen. It's so incredibly frustrating to find myself unable to write once again. I desperately want to have my first book out in January, but I don't feel like I can accomplish menial tasks, much less finishing a book.

I started this blog with three intentions; 1.) I wanted to share my journey, struggles and all with my family, friends, and anyone else who found they were interested, 2.) To help keep me somewhat accountable, if I say I'm gonna have a book out at the beginning of next year to enough people, maybe I would find that energy and motivation to do it, and to be honest that has worked some. 3.) To rant, when the frustration of writing became to much for me to handle on my own. Most of those reasons are totally selfish, and I have no problem admitting it, I needed the help, I still do. Lots of it. I am naturally a introvert, and I find it hard to talk to people that aren't running around inside my own head, but I knew when I started this, that I wouldn't be able to finish a book without help, and now more than ever I find that I need inspiration, motivation, and most of all someone to talk to. Even if that's just a bunch of strangers on the internet.

At this point, you've either quit reading, or you're majoring confused by the title. Well, allow me to explain, when I sat down to write this evening, I did a couple of things first, I slapped a face mask on, turned on Halsey's newest album, and spent a moment or two scrolling through social media. All of that may seem irrelevant to the post I've made so far, but it isn't. When I don't relax, and center myself, I can't write, I'm sure that's true of many authors. I think relaxing is probably important to many things beyond writing, but that's a post for another day. I often don't take care of myself, especially when it concerns my stress level, but I know if I want to write, I have to take care of myself.

With that I think I may put my computer away for the night, and rest, tomorrow is a new day (cheesy I know, don't hate me). I believe I'll feel better with rest and recreation (here I come Netflix).

Taila Out.