I want to talk about changes I've made in my life to improve it. I'm not a guru, and I wouldn't claim that I know much more than the average Joe, but I do want to share a few things I changed to make my life easier and smoother.
- I started keeping a physical calendar/planner (physical is better for me, digital may work better for you). You want it to have the monthly calendar and then enough space to write things each day. Mine also has a habit tracker that can be filled in with 5 habits (I chose Writing, Dreams, No Spend Days, Taking My Medicine, and Sex). Not only can I keep up with appointments and things, I also have been able to document various things that happen, my moods, etc. This won't work for everyone, but I am a planner who likes to feel in control, this has helped ease my anxiety significantly.
- Changed my diet (This one should really just be taking your health in hand, if there's something wrong with your body, figure it out and fix it). Now I'll be the first person to tell you to enjoy your cake/snacks/treats. Life ain't worth a damn if you can't indulge in the things that make you happy. I based my diet change around health needs, I didn't care about losing weight or anything else. I just wanted to feel better. I personally aim for High Protein and low carbs (I allow myself potatoes/pasta twice a week. Or frankly, if I need a pick me up). I am a diabetic with other health problems what has worked for me may not work for you.
- Cut out unhealthy connections. Let me start by saying this, if you're cutting someone off by telling them off and making a big to do, you are doing it wrong. I simply found if I stopped reaching out to connections that were unhealthy for me, they escorted themselves out of my life. It did a lot to show me who was going to stick by my side. I also started to feel better when I didn't have toxicity in my life (just because someone is toxic to you, doesn't mean that they are a toxic person.)
- Stop investing energy into things that don't invest back. Whether that is people, social media, work, etc. Now that is not me telling you to quit your job, be smart, you need your paycheck. This can include just lines of thinking that do not serve you. Investment can be taken a lot of different ways, many hobbies and things we love in life don't have a return invest, but that isn't true is it? Things that make you happy are worth an investment, even if they don't have a return.
- Stop avoiding your fears. Throw yourself headfirst into anything and everything that scares you. I'm actually publishing my book because I realized I was afraid of what would happen if I did, failure or not, I've made a choice. I've dedicated myself, worked hard, and I'll learn from whatever the outcome is. If you are afraid to be alone? Be alone for a while. Fear is nothing but something to hold you back.
- Vent less. I don't bitch and rant nearly as much as I used to, all it has ever done for anyone is stress out the person you are talking to and keep your nervous system dysregulated. It's okay to talk through a problem with a trusted person but be weary of moving into complaining.
- Accept yourself. We are all heroes and villains, monsters and angels. We are all wrong and right sometimes. Now that doesn't mean fall into the worst version of yourself, but it does mean to accept the things you've done wrong and learn to do better. Hating yourself is boring.
- Holding myself accountable. I am the one thing in life I can control (Thank you, Aaron Burr (LMM) for my next tattoo), which means I have to hold myself to the standards I expect. If I do things that I know are wrong, then I am the only one to blame. I am the only person making bad decisions in my life.
- Okay what I'm going to say is going to counteract that last one. Stop letting other people make bad decisions for you. Because you are the only person living your life, if you know what someone is suggesting is wrong for you. Don't do it. The people we love may have a lot of wisdom to provide us, but they are not in our brains and hearts, they cannot make us happy with our life. Only you have the blame when you are unhappy.
- Stop chasing happiness. I did this a long time ago honestly, but seriously. Being happy isn't the goal. Stop booing me, you know in your heart I am right. You may want to find peace, but being happy all the time isn't a reasonable expectation. Life would mean nothing if we were happy all the time. Humans need to suffer a little somewhere.
- Gratitude. I've talked about this one before, but seriously even for life's shittiest things, appreciate them. You wouldn't want to have someone else's problems. Acknowledge what you have and seek out gratitude anytime you can.
- Perspective is everything. You can control your reality, by controlling your perspective of it. Negative thoughts create negative outcomes/lives. This is true for ourselves, but it's also true for other people. When you realize that everyone around you is only capable of living in their perspective, you'll find it much easier to forgive them when they step on your toes emotionally.
- Be open to new opportunities and connections. When you open yourself up to the possibilities your world will widen.
- Finally, seek help. Whether this is from people in your support system or a professional (ie therapist, doctor, trainer, etc). There is no pride in suffering when you have the choice to get help.
Now I won't pretend I figured all of that quickly, without any help or guidance. A lot of people have escorted me on this journey, I've learned a lot of lessons, and I intend to learn many, many more. My final piece of advice? Do what you want. We all die in the end anyway. Who cares. (I am not responsible if you take that advice and do a bunch of morally corrupt shit. Be a good person.)
Now seriously, I need to get back to writing Reclaiming Wonderland #2.
Taila Out.
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