Wanting to understand why things are the way they are, why people do what they do, to simply understand is one of my most significant challenges in life. I am only now learning to leave things as they are, to sit with reality rather than grapple with the why. This has led me to another way of being: silent. More often than not silence speaks far louder than any words. More on the topic of silence another time.
I am not a quiet or demure person, I don't hide my opinions (as if that isn't obvious from... my entire blog), and generally I am honest with people. But honesty without compassion is cruelty, when someone needs an ear, they don't need inconsiderate honesty or platitudes. Truthfully, they don't need advice either, nine times out of ten when I am ranting about something I just want to be heard and acknowledged. A small moment of connection, of "I see you, I hear you, your feelings matter." The fear I have with that is it often gets taken too far. People don't consider how venting to a person can make the listener feel. When someone is venting because they didn't get the most recent Taylor Swift concert tickets, they have no idea what their listener might be going through that they aren't sharing. Maybe that listener has an ailing parent at home or no idea how they will pay for their groceries this week. Many people simply don't consider others when they speak, what problems may seem large to us, could be very small in the eyes of another.
This reality can make it very easy to devalue another person's experiences or trauma. We all have a different capacity for stress and trauma. What may seem inconsequential to me, may be the end of another person's world. It can be hard to look upon others with objectivity, we naturally make assumptions and judgments about others, some happen instantly, some form over time, all of them are based on the way we perceive the world around us. Our opinions and thoughts about the world around us are almost entirely based on our experience and perception, the old quote, "There's your version, their version, and then the truth.", puts a fine point on this. There are things that most people would agree are wrong (at least I like to believe that), but in our day-to-day interactions it is easy to villainize people who are just trying to survive. No, it doesn't excuse mistreatment, abuse, etc, but I think if we all took more time to consider why we feel the need to villainize someone who has hurt us instead of having the emotion and letting it go, it would be a much better world. Letting go doesn't mean allowing someone to continue harming us, it means moving forward in an appropriate manner, and not allowing the experience to take away from our happiness and peace.
I often wish I could be perfectly objective, that I had some omnipotent god power to discern the people who intend harm versus the people who mean well. Unfortunately, I continue to lead the existence of a mere mortal and I have to rely on my instincts and often the instincts of others to move through life. I will never truly understand the mind of another person completely, even if I get close, it is impossible to know another as intimately as we know ourselves. I will just have to continue to communicate and accept the answers I am given.
Taila Out.
